A punk from Croydon, a man wearing a dress and the perils of buying prophylactics, anyway - enough about me, here's my review of 1982. Best line: 'do you vant fries viz your order?'
Jan 1982
1) Bucks Fizz – Land of Make Believe (2 weeks at Number 1)
“Shadows, tapping at your window. Ghostly voices whisper will you come and play?”
The Fizz prove the exception to the rule that representing the UK in Eurovision is a bad career move! However, being in a near fatal coach crash is and later this year their career takes a hiatus in which it would never recover… Harmless song if you like that sort of thing… (4/10)
2) Shakin Stevens – Oh Julie (1)
“Stay with me, baby, lay with me, baby!”
Shaky chalks up his 3rd Number 1. Was this a cover? If not it certainly sounds a lot like one… Another Rock’n’roll cliché and another number 1! (4/10)
Feb 1982
3) Kraftwerk – The Model (1)
“She's posing for consumer products now and then”
Only Kraftwerk could use “consumer products” in a song and get away with it! The appetite for electronic music has been whetted over the last 12 months by some young pretenders and it’s good to see the grand masters reaching the top spot! Beautiful electronics from those efficient Germans… (8/10)
4) The Jam – Town Called Malice (3)
“Rows and rows of disused milk floats stand dying in the dairy yard”
Another Jam single straight in at number 1! Weller bids farewell to the institutions of milk floats, Steam trains and Sunday’s roast beef over a Motown inspired beat complete with Hammond organ. Lyrically a nod to Ray Davies’s Village Green but Weller was always honest about nicking from Davies, Marriott, Lennon and McCartney… Backed with the funky Precious, an excellent single… (10/10)
March 1982
5) Tight Fit – The Lion Sleeps Tonight (3)
“A wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a wimoweh”
My spell-check just crashed! What can I say about this one? A remake I believe and totally unforgivable! (2/10)
6) Goombay Dance Band – Seven Tears (3)
“Seven tears have flown into the river; seven tears are running to the sea”
From what I remember this had a bit of a jungle feel too, or was I still having those nightmares about The Lion Sleeps Tonight… Certainly had a world music feel to it before world music was popular… Alas, this song was popular (3/10)
April 1982
7) Bucks Fizz – My Camera never lies (1)
“Wonder why you’re wasting your time with another disguise ‘cos there’s no compromise”
…and that was one of the better lines! Last of the hat-trick of number 1’s for the chirpy Buck’s Fizz! Didn’t the hot girl leave at some point? Wonder if she puts Buck’s on the CV! Not as strong as the previous hits (it that’s possible!) (3/10)
8) Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder – Ebony and Ivory (3)
“We all know that people are the same where ever you go - there is good and bad in everyone”
This record did little for racial harmony – probably because the two parties involved were on different continents for its recording and promo video! I’m sure McCartney was holed up in Kintyre following his recent marijuana bust in Japan. Insipid song… 5/10
May 1982
9) Nicole – A Little Peace (2)
“Just like a bird that can no longer fly - I'm feeling that way some times”
Another Eurovision winner hits the top! I think she was a young German… wonder what she did after this… “Do you vant fries viz your order?” 5/10
10) Madness – House of fun (2)
“Box of balloons with the feather-light touch - pack of party-poppers that pop in the night”
Only in the UK could a song about world peace be followed by a song about buying prophylactics! Madness reach number 1 for the first time and a lot of fun it is too – a whole house full to be sure… Fun video too... 7/10
June 1982
11) Adam Ant – Goody Two Shoes (2)
“We don't follow fashion - that would be a joke!”
Indeed. Marginally better than Prince Charming and quite a catchy (in an influenza sort of way…) song about the press, who would very soon be saying Adam who? 6/10
12) Charlene – Never been to me (1)
“I've been to paradise but I've never been to me”
You should go – I have you can get some good one-ways deals at the moment… Awful song and corny as hell… 3/10
13) Captain Sensible – Happy Talk (2)
“You've got to have a dream, if you don't have a dream - how you gonna have a dream come true”
Surreal - A punk from Croydon getting to #1 singing a song from a 30 year old musical!!! Shouldn’t have worked, but the Captain stays faithful to the spirit of the original and makes a damned good song! 7/10
14) Irene Cara – Fame (3)
“I can catch the moon in my hand - don't you know who I am”
Catchy theme tune to the TV series about talented kids dancing around in the school cafeteria. 6/10
Aug 1982
15) Dexy’s Midnight Runners – Come on Eileen (4)
“You in that dress - my thoughts I confess verge on dirty”
A pleasant enough song from Dexy’s but this would be the albatross that everything that came after would be judged upon… No-one had a clue what Kevin Rowland was singing about, but no-one at the school disco cared! We just liked to do a little jig and go crazy to the fast bit at the end! (8/10)
Sep 1982
16) Survivor – Eye of the tiger (4)
“Went the distance now I'm back on my feet - just a man and his will to survive”
This really was an eclectic year at the top – but not in a good way… Another movie tie-in – Rocky I think… Interesting accented intro but then degenerates quickly into hair-band cliché, complete with helium induced vocals… (5/10)
Oct 1982
17) Musical Youth – Pass the Dutchie (3)
“'Cause the spirit of Jah, you know he leads you on!”
An African-American friend was dismayed when I told her Musical Youth were not in fact from Jamaica – they were from Birmingham! Nice little Reggae sing-a-long about food, apparently, although I’m sure there were some Ganga references thrown into the pot… (6/10)
18) Culture Club – Do you really want to hurt me (3)
“Precious kisses, words that burn me - lovers never ask you why”
It seems amazing looking back but how someone looked and dressed was still a big deal in 1982…Was he a boy or a girl? All that did matter was George had a great voice and this was a good song… 7/10
Nov 1982
19) Eddy Grant – I Don’t Wanna Dance (3)
“I love your personality - oh but I don't want our love on show”
The UK has gone mad for Reggae – three consecutive songs at #1. Perhaps the UK has finally embraced its multi-racial society! Average song… 6/10
Dec 1982
20) The Jam – Beat Surrender (2)
“And as it was in the beginning, so shall it be in the end”
The last single… not their best but a pounding rhythm and some excellent horns guarantee Weller gets his wish to go out on top! 8/10
21) Renee & Renato – Save your Love (4)
“Save your love my darling, save your love - for summer nights with moon and stars above”
There’s nothing like saving the best for last – and this is nothing like it! Cheesy song with a hilarious video featuring the two conspirators and their combined weight of at least a tonne! (2/10)
Ian’s Top 10 Number 1’s of 1982
1) The Jam – Town Called Malice
2) The Jam – Beat Surrender
3) Dexy’s Midnight Runners – Come on Eileen
4) Culture Club – Do you really want to hurt me
5) Captain Sensible – Happy Talk
6) Madness – House of fun
7) Kraftwerk – The Model
8) Musical Youth – Pass the Dutchie
9) Irene Cara – Fame
10) Adam Ant – Goody Two Shoes
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